Occasionally, I hit The Wall. Anyone who’s ever run a marathon (or watched the movie Run Fat Boy Run) is familiar with the phrase “hitting the wall”. It’s the point in the race when the wheels start to come off and you feel like you just can’t take another step. It’s not just about the pain, or the hunger, or the fatigue, either. It’s the feeling that everything you’ve done up to that point – the training, the many miles already put in on that day – just aren’t enough, and continuing on just isn’t worth the effort.
I knew I’d hit The Wall yesterday when:
- I realized that despite my best efforts to get Sarah Kate to make and take a birthday card to her teacher, she only did the “make” part and the card was still in her room five days later.
- I discovered that despite the fact I’ve known for months where we were going to be for Thanksgiving, I forgot to make arrangements for a doggie hostel, so unless I get REALLY lucky with the waiting list, we’re going to have to drive our Westie 350 miles to Nana’s where dogs aren’t welcome in the house.
- I felt weighed down by the knowledge that I am the primary individual responsible for the therapy that both of my children receive (which is, of course, never, ever enough) – worrying that I never have enough hours in the day to do what needs to be done, and even if I did, I’m not sure I’d do it, anyway, because for all its benefits, constant therapy destroys much of the joy of having young children.
- I began to feel guilty about the time that I spend doing other things – like photography, blogging, running races, and volunteering for an organization that I believe in – but at the same time felt resentful of the therapy, the bills, the laundry, the meal planning, the grocery shopping, and the packing for the Thanksgiving road trip for three out of four members of the family (plus the dog – don’t forget the dog!)
I used to think it was about a lack of time to do everything that needed to be done, but I managed to sit around and read blogs and watch TV this weekend, so I know it’s not about time. It feels more like a lack of brain space. l just couldn’t keep up with it all – even with a planner and a notebook and a to-do list – and I reached the point where something inside of me just said NO MORE.
Just like in the marathon, when it feels like the wheels are coming off and my mind is saying NO MORE, I’ll continue to push against The Wall, no matter how difficult it is, because I know that if I just keep moving, there will be joy and a feeling of accomplishment at the end of the road.
Do you ever hit The Wall? What do you do to push past it?